I wear the sort of makeup that makes people say 'Oh wow you wear a lot of makeup - what does that do?' to which I raise an eyebrow and continue strobing (it makes you look youthful, OK). My makeup bag is the heaviest thing in my handbag at the moment, and that includes a macbook and an anvil. Safe to say, I wear a lot. How to do beauty makeup.
But sometimes you want to look like you've just rolled out of bed like a daisy in pyjamas. Sometimes you want to look like you aren't wearing makeup, without actually not wearing makeup and inviting comments about how ill or tired you look.
Before we continue - this is not for the people who look great in a slick of lipbalm and a pair of combed eyebrows. Good for you mate, I wish you much success in your dazzling career of looking excellent all the time. This is for people who will not leave the house without some sort of foundation, otherwise children start crying and telling their mothers they thought zombies weren't real.
There's a lot of bollocks about 'no makeup makeup', namely things like 'go without concealer because it looks heavy' which is great if you're naturally really perfect and not so great if you have an absolute howler on your cheek. So I've collected the best 'no makeup makeup' within my reach (The Debrief beauty cupboard and my own collection) and figured out a way to look naturally fit when you might have stopped drinking water, not slept very much, or just feel a bit rough.
All products can be swapped in with your own faves, but the ones used are the best I've found so far
Step one: your face base
Firstly, really clean it. I haven't vined this because when I cleansed my face this morning before popping into the office to film these vines, I was fully nude having just got out of the shower. Nobody needs to see that, but suffice to say, clean your face properly (here's how to do it) and then moisturise the bollocks out of it (I use Cetophil because I'm sexy AF)
How to do makeup quick
Once it's bollock-moisturised, use a foundation that's exactly the same colour as your face. It can be a full coverage foundation - ignore people that tell you everything looks heavy apart from BB creams and pixie tears. If you want full foundation, go full foundation. Mix it with loads of highlighter to make your skin look excellent, and to make the foundation look a bit lighter. I used bareMinerals Complexion Rescue tinted hydrating gel cream (£,26) which, granted, is far too many words to actually make sense, but is a really nice foundation. More coverage than a BB cream and good for dry skin (I have scaly dry skin like a dragon). For highlighting purposes, I used benefit's High Beam because it's the best thing I've ever bought and worth every glass of wine down the pub sacrificed to save for it (£,19.50)
Step two: make your skin look nice
Conceal the crap out of it - the tip is to use less than you think you should and blend for ages. Cream foundations, for me, work way better and benefit's boi-ing is really good for covering spots. But use whatever your fave concealer is, provided it's the same colour as your face.
Then go for your under-eye circles but, and this is a huge lesson I learned recently, don't just keep going in the hope they'll disappear. They often won't, especially if you're tired, and you'll just look like you caked it on to look awake. IF you've got dark shadows under your eye, lighten them with a coat of concealer, pop some more in the inner corners, and then take a deep breath and accept them. They won't look as bad to other people as they do to you, and if you're going 'no makeup makeup', the biggest giveaway is huge caked white lines under your eyes.
Next, put a bit of bronzer underneath your cheekbones. Not full contouring, just a bit, so it looks like you've a) got cheekbones and b) got some colour in your pale, dead, face (just me). I used Nars Laguna which, shortly after this vine, I dropped on the floor and it smashed into a zillion piece. This has devastated me on a level you can only imagine if you too can't afford to pay £,28 on bronzer until you've become the Queen. Or married the Queen.
So use any bronzer you like.
Step three: eye makeup
Really hard if, like me, you do full liquid liner cat eyes for all occasions. Going easy on the eye does actually look surprisingly nice though, as you can actually see your eyes rather than being blinded by huge black lines and spider-leg eyelashes.
First, use some brown kohl (I used Collection because it's great and cheap at £,1.99) on the very outer corners - top and bottom - of your eyes and smudge if you put too much on. Your eyes should look a bit more defined without looking like you've put eyeliner all over them.
A bit of white eyeliner on the inside corners, blended a bit with your finger, will make you look awake immediately. It's my favourite tip and I force everyone I know to do it because I'm a great laugh at parties. Just buy a cheap and cheerful one - mine is Natural Collection (£,1.99 ). Save your money for things like foundation and highlighter - I will never understand people who spend £,20 on kohl liner. Those people need a good, firm and tender shake.
Brown mascara next - the best one by far is benefit's They're Real (£,19.50 ). But go for any one you like and just do one coat on the top. The moment you put mascara on the bottom lashes, you'll look like you're wearing mascara. And that's not the point of this, alright?
Step four: eyebrows and lips
Eyebrows are often ignored, but really crucial to looking put together and like you didn't run out the house with your PJs on underneath your clothes. Soap and Glory's Archery (£,8 and I use Hot Chocolate ) has a brush and a really natural pencil - brush them up and add a few extra strokes to imitate eyebrow hair where necessary to fill in the eyebrow. If you start colouring like a child with a crayon, then you've probably gone too heavy.
How to do 90210 makeup
Leave your lips nude mate, or do whatever the hell you like, but I prefer to overdraw mine to make them look bigger. Not Kylie Jenner big, just a bit bigger. Maybelline's matte lipstick in Nude Embrace (£,6.99) is really good for this. Or go for another lipstick that matches your lip shade exactly to fool everyone including the Lord himself.
And there you have it! If you have any other excellent 'no makeup makeup' tips then tweet me. Also if anyone has a spare Nars bronzer, let me know. I really am devastated about that. I just put it in the bin and said goodbye to it. I spoke to it. I need help.
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